Our days were full of checkered pants and broken butterfly wings. The way you cared for everything lit up my heart and I found myself lost in a maze i never wanted to leave. You were by my side and holding my hand. i felt safe, the way i never do anymore.
The bare winter trees were like the roots twining our hearts together. We seemed to share a soul and everything felt right. It was how I'd always imagined Utopia to be, even though I hadn't quite known the meaning of the word. If i fell down and scraped my knee, you would wordlessly take me home and clean me up. You told me everything was okay and for the first time, I believed it was. The world seemed healed, no scars or pain. But really you were just putting a bandaid over an open wound.
You leaving was what caused all the feathers of our imaginary world to float away. Slowly our kingdom disappeared and I was left in an empty, ashen meadow. I walked up the familiar doorsteps; i could have gotten there with my eyes closed. I had rehearsed it a million times before, my own way of saying goodbye. But when I arrived and i saw the cardboard boxes and blank walls, the truth hit me. Hard. I smiled and pretended that I could just walk over in two days and you would still be there healing my sorrows. It was all a lie, but it was all I could do to avoid crying in front of you.
The next day i started to get mad over trivial things. Any joke someone made about you, I would confront with a flying fist. And anybody that said goodbye I swore I would hate for the rest of my life. I didn't understand why I was doing any of it, all I knew was that I had to.
The day you left had been the saddest day of my life then. I avoided everyone and sneaked away to cry under the lamp post we'd spent countless hours under. I watched the clouds and named the shapes as if you were still there holding my hand. I wondered if you were thinking of me. But it hurt me more when I was afraid you weren't. I wondered if anybody noticed my absence but i doubted it. You were the only one i had needed. I started to recognize the faces of worry when I sat quietly at the back of the class. Alone. Always alone.
It doesn't hurt as much anymore. But every now and then your face shows up in the back of my mind and I wonder if I would even recognize you anymore. If you walked down the street next to me, would I sense it, would I ever even know? Have you forgotten? The times we laughed so loud we would be driven to tears? The times everyone called us twins and we would just look at each other and laugh? Have you forgotten the times we seemed to read each other's minds? Have you forgotten the secrets I dared only share with you? Do you even remember my name anymore? Will I ever forget yours?